Dear Lisi: This may sound silly, but my son has an imaginary friend that he talks to all the time. He’s four-years-old and very bright. It’s taken me about six months to realize that he had this friend because they usually “hang out” when my son is alone, in his room or the playroom.
He also wasn’t sure he wanted to tell me about the friend at first. He told me this once the friend was “out” in the open. My initial reaction was to treat this friend like any other friend, introduce myself, and ask questions, such as: what’s your favourite colour, snack, animal etc. My son was very forthcoming with the answers.
But now I’m not sure what to do. How do I know if the friend is there? How much do I normalize the friend? And is this all normal?
Imaginary Friend
According to a social worker with whom I spoke, this is all normal toddler developmental behaviour. In fact, by age seven, apparently 65 per cent of children will have had an imaginary friend. Children often use imaginary friends as a safe place to grow and try out their skills. An imaginary friend is rarely contrary, which is soothing.
So, don’t worry. It’s all normal. Your son is showing his creativity. You should feel so good that your toddler trusts you to share his friend with you. So, yes, include the friend in conversation, play, even in tasks such as brushing teeth.
Enjoy this stage.
Dear Lisi: My wife and her best friend started a small business during COVID to keep themselves busy and from going stir-crazy. It surprisingly took off and has become their full-time gig ever since. At first, it was hugely successful and there wasn’t a person we spoke to who didn’t want a piece of the action. The hot-off-the-presses excitement has simmered down, as one would expect, but the business is still growing strong.
The problem is that my wife’s friend’s interest has also waned and she’s doing less and less, putting more and more work and strain on my wife. My wife is thoroughly enjoying this adventure and isn’t remotely ready to put it to bed. But it’s getting harder to manage on her own.
How can I help her maintain the excitement and success of this process?
Supportive Spouse
Running a business is not my area of expertise but I think it’s time you speak with a financial planner and business adviser. If the business is lucrative, even just paying for itself, it could be time to expand or take on a new partner. You didn’t give me much detail, but if, for example, the business was run out of the house, perhaps it’s time to move to its own space, i.e. an office, factory, warehouse etc.
Showing your wife support, even pitching in during this transition period, will strengthen your relationship.
FEEDBACK Regarding the two-day getaway (May 29):
Reader – “I agree with your response and would like to add some advice from a psychologist co-worker of mine that would apply:
“Think of one positive thing that you can find about the person you ‘can’t bear.’ Everybody has something that is a positive. It may have nothing to do with why you are interacting, but that doesn’t matter. When we see one positive aspect to the person, it changes how we approach each interaction with them.
“These two women will never be friends, but the letter writer will be able to get through the two days and enjoy her bucket list weekend.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the sisters (May 31):
Reader – “This was my family. We simply accepted that priorities change, especially as the kids grow. For a few, spouses/partners even changed.
“Each family must put their priorities first. The operation is important for that family. The ‘destination event’ is important for him.
“But the fact that his wife is trying to explain to him that he needs to change the date, but he’s refusing, and they are fighting … there seems to be more happening behind the scenes. All the other siblings/family must keep out of such dynamics.”
FEEDBACK Regarding tired dad (May 30):
Reader — “Sounds like it’s time for Dad to more fully understand puberty. He does not want to stop his daughter from talking to him. In a few years he may be wishing for her to say anything.
“Also, he needs to understand the changes in sleep patterns as kids age. Maybe he should figure out the cause and effect of her late nights. It’s time to start seriously picking his battles.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].
