Dear Lisi: I know social media is garbage, often misleading, false news, made up stories, but some of it is so mind-boggling, I can’t stop thinking about it. Recently there was a “journalistic” piece, a snippet from a talk show, where a woman was bragging that for her birthday, she gave herself the present of having sex with 40 men – in one day! And that afterwards, she and her husband went out for a celebratory birthday dinner. What?!?
How can that be true? And whether it is or isn’t, why is it being shown across social media sites? Why is this woman bragging about this behaviour? And what sort of husband would think this was a good gift?
I’m sickened thinking about it, but it’s like a traffic accident I can’t stop ogling. What has technology done to our sense of decency?
Beyond
If you’re talking about the episode of ITV’s This Morning with Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield that aired two years ago, I saw that and also found it shocking, disturbing and repulsive. Is it true? Who knows? And how will we ever know unless it was filmed, and I’d rather not know the answer to that.
Why this woman thought that sleeping with 40 men in one day was a good idea, I could not begin to unpack. But it’s her life. I suggest taking a break from social media. When you return, do so thoughtfully. Perhaps even put restrictions on your phone like you would for your children.
Dear Lisi: My girlfriend and I are both restless sleepers and are both going through a phase in our lives where we wake up hot. Her answer to this is to reach over and get intimate. At first, I thought it was hot and responded in kind. But now I find I’m just too hot and the sweatiness isn’t all that sexy.
How do I tell her that middle-of-the-night sweaty sex isn’t worth waking up for?
Too hot to be hot
Your description of waking up hot sounds as though you two are in a perimenopausal stage, which is the transition period leading up to menopause. It can last a year, or even a decade, and it can start as early as your 30s, but for most women, it’s in the mid to late 40s. Some symptoms of perimenopause are trouble with sleep (check), night sweats (check) and changes in sexual desire (check).
But knowing the reasons for these changes doesn’t change how you feel in the middle of the night. Talk to your girlfriend about that. It’s not about how much you love her or want to be intimate. It’s the combination of timing, hormonal changes and desire. Work through this phase TOGETHER. There will be more changes coming and dealing with them as a team will do wonders for your relationship.
FEEDBACK Regarding the 35-year-old who lives at home (Nov. 4):
Reader – “I don’t know all the circumstances of why you’re living with them at 35 — and there could well be good reasons, such as caring for them, or the economy or cultural considerations. But I’ll put this out there: A dear friend of mine lived with his mother through to the end of her life, and over time, the dynamic shifted to him taking care of her. Throughout that entire time, he still had a fully active social and personal life, including plenty of opportunities to host gatherings and partners at his home.
“The big secret? He would treat his mom to a night out with a friend. Gift certificates for dinner and a movie or a show. If you want some alone time at the house, you can buy it!”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Email questions to [email protected].
