Dear Lisi: My boyfriend and I were supposed to spend the summer together: part of the time in another country, each of us on separate programs, meeting up on the weekends. The other part of the trip was supposed to be the two of us and another couple travelling around this same country. And the rest of the summer we were supposed to be at home, doing interesting things together and hanging out.
At the last minute, my program got cancelled and I couldn’t get on any other. He went on ahead without me and I spent two weeks doing absolutely nothing at home. I was supposed to fly out and meet him, but my flights were cancelled and there were no other flights to get me there in time, and for a decent price. I had to cancel that portion, too.
Now it’s been a month that I’ve literally done nothing. My boyfriend was supposed to come home a few days ago, but his flight was cancelled due to the major tech issue that hit many airlines. I know none of this is anyone’s fault, or could have been avoided in any way, but I just feel like I’m wasting my summer doing absolutely nothing other than waiting around for the next portion — only to have that then cancelled.
How can I make sure that the rest of my summer works out the way I had planned?
Bored and frustrated
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” In other words, we can plan all we want but as you’ve just seen for yourself, plans don’t always come to fruition.
Since you’ve saved money on your flights, and the program (assuming there was a cost), and any money budgeted for your trip overseas, take some of that and invest. With the rest, find some really fun things to do this month that you wouldn’t have done due to cost and budget. For example, take your boyfriend to a day spa, book a stay at a nice hotel, get tickets to a concert, make reservations at an upscale restaurant, etc.
Get a calendar and pencil in one fun activity for every other day of the week. That gives you a buffer, a chance to just chill, and means you’re spending less money. As soon as your boyfriend gets home, give him a chance to regroup, and then start having fun.
Don’t make him feel badly for the unfortunate changes in your plan. Move on and enjoy the rest of the summer together.
Dear Lisi: My husband is taking my children out to the East Coast to see his parents this summer. I was invited to go, of course, but the timing conflicts with a work event that I can’t miss. I tried to get him to change the dates, but he had already taken this week off from his work because it was the week that worked best for his parents.
I get it, I just don’t feel good about it. His parents already have a bit of a judgment thing going on with me and I don’t completely trust them around my children. It’s not a safety issue, it’s more of an attitude thing. My husband doesn’t see it the way I do, until I point it out to him. Then he sees it clearly.
But I won’t be there this time. What do I do?
Left out
Sometimes things happen that are out of our control. There’s a saying, “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” In this case, you’re going to have to channel your inner serenity. Good luck!
FEEDBACK Regarding the toddler with tantrums (June 20):
Reader - “The statement that jumps out at me most is that the boyfriend is NOT hiding anything. How many others would try to hide or gloss over these issues? How does the boyfriend/dad react on a daily basis? Is he trying to find an answer, or is he just ‘letting go’?
“To me, those are the key points. He is letting you know what the TOTAL PACKAGE really looks like. How many potential partners are so honest?
“I TOTALLY AGREE that the two of them should ‘do some research together, read some parenting books, talk to a parenting expert, and learn different ways to handle and diffuse his toddler’s tantrums.’ This will also show each other who they really are, and how they handle life’s stresses.
“You will be facing MANY challenges together. This is only the first test of many.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
