Dear Lisi: Last year, my wife decided to get a tattoo. She put a lot of thought into it, where she wanted it on her body, what she wanted it to look like, and what it meant to her. In all the years I have known my wife, which is now almost three decades, I have known her to be thoughtful, a careful planner, but often doesn’t see things through. So, I didn’t take her seriously because experience proved that she probably wouldn’t end up getting the tattoo.
To my surprise, she went ahead with it and came home with this new art on her body. I don’t like it. I don’t like where she put it, what it looks like, or even what it represents. I don’t like tattoos, but I especially don’t like hers.
Now we’re both stuck with it. How do we move forward?
Terrible Tats
You’re right that you’re both stuck with this tattoo…. but there are ways to remove it if she really doesn’t want it on her body anymore. Just Google “tattoo removal” in your area, and make sure to ask around for personal reviews.
However, if she does want to keep it, then you must figure out how you’re going to live with it. If it’s somewhere that can be covered by clothing, then you won’t see it all the time. But she’s your wife, so I assume she’ll be naked in front of you at some point.
Just get over it.
Dear Lisi: My now 22-year-old son lived with my ex after our divorce almost a decade ago, and I agreed to pay monthly child support plus a percentage of special expenses, including university tuition.
Two years ago, our son wrote us both to say that he’d stopped attending university over a year ago. My ex agreed to end child support, but then coerced our son to return to university and restarted child support, retroactively. For a second time, he told us in writing he had no interest in studies. His mother coerced him a second time to re-enrol. Again, he dropped out and confessed he never attended any classes.
He then moved in with me. I pay all the household expenses but was still forced to pay child support to my ex via garnishment. My son now works full-time. My ex finally agreed to stop child support garnishment, three months after he moved in, but refuses to repay me for all the months he wasn’t a student.
My 30-year-old daughter is now upset with me because her mother informed her that I’m suing her.
She has no clue that her mother sued me twice. A judge ruled in my favour in the first lawsuit. I settled out of court for the second because our daughter was getting married, and I didn’t want to ruin her wedding year. My ex used my settlement to give our daughter a generous wedding gift.
We now have a granddaughter, and my daughter doesn’t want me to see her because of the “negative energy” I’ve caused her mother. This is so unfair.
My ex earns over six-figures and is now eligible for a full government indexed pension of nearly that much for life. She owns her home and isn’t poor. I was laid off last year and at my age will likely never find comparable employment.
Short end of the stick
It’s time for you and your ex to have a discussion, preferably without third party involvement. She could help you out, by explaining to your daughter that she shouldn’t have complained to her about legalities that don’t concern her. That your financial issues are separate and should not in any way affect your daughter’s relationship with you, and especially not your relationship to your grandchild.
FEEDBACK Regarding pets and allergies (May 1; June 6):
Reader – “Thank you for raising this issue. I become quite ill very quickly from cats. About 20 minutes at my aunt’s carpeted home with upholstered furniture and I’m dying. My throat closes over, my eyes burn, the outside of my throat itches. I’ve tried wearing masks, I never touch the cat, I even wore goggles and still I became ill.
“My skin itches, I get hives, it truly is a whole-body disorder. And it takes a few days for the swelling in my throat to go down. I find it quite scary when I feel my airway closing.
“When I was a little girl, I came home with a free kitten one day covered in blotches, eyes running, nose sniffling and asked my parents if I could keep it. So, thank you for recognizing that allergies can be bad!”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].
