With the kids back in school and your calendar quickly filling up, the prospect of a solo parenting weekend looms large. But don’t worry – whether you’re planning an action-packed day or embracing a more laid-back approach, there are ways to make the most of your time together.
The first option is to fill the day with activities.
That’s Jessie Henry’s strategy. She’s a Burlington-based mom of two boys, ages 3 and 5, whose husband works most weekends.
“They’re active boys, so I have to keep them busy,” she says. A typical weekend starts with a 7:50 a.m. wake-up call for her sons, a quick breakfast and hockey at 9 a.m. In the afternoon, she takes them on adventurous activities like bike riding at a skate park or ziplining. “They like to do lots of high-energy activities,” says Henry.
For dinner, she may take them to a restaurant – with colouring books, Play-Doh and iPads at the ready, “in case they get bored and I need an extra 10 minutes out of them.” Then it’s straight home for another bike ride, a shower and bed by 8:30 p.m.
Option two involves seeing where the day takes you.
“The way I approach weekends is I try not to over-commit to anything,” says Laura Townsend, a Niagara-based mom, also of two boys aged 3 and 5, with a partner who works every Saturday.
“During the week, my kids have been in school or daycare for nine or 10 hours, so when it comes to Saturday, I’m protective of their quiet time.”
Her morning starts with the kids waking up when they’re ready. “They have early weekday mornings, so I like to let them sleep in,” she says. “Plus, it gives me time to get chores done around the house.”
When they get out of bed, they play on their own, and for breakfast, Townsend makes a more elaborate meal than what they typically have on weekdays, like pancakes. Once everyone’s fuelled, they head out. “My youngest gets tired in the afternoon, so it’s most productive to do an activity before lunch, whether it’s going to an indoor pool, a library or a park,” says Townsend.
They’ll then grab lunch somewhere, and the rest of the afternoon “depends on their mood and energy,” she says. “Maybe it’s quiet time, like watching a movie, so they can rest and recharge.” When Townsend’s partner gets home, they make dinner, eat together and the kids head to bed.
Whether you’re keeping the day jam-packed or taking it easy, the key is to find a rhythm that works for both you and your children. Here, Sherry VanDerKooi, school director and principal at Avalon Children’s Montessori School in Toronto, and mom of two grown-up children, shares what to remember when tackling a solo parenting weekend.
It’s okay for kids to have downtime – it’s good, even
“Parents feel pressure if they hear a kid in their kid’s class has 8 a.m. gymnastics, 10 a.m. piano lessons, 12 p.m. dance class, 1 p.m. Kumon, 4 p.m. piano, and 5 p.m. Mandarin,” says VanDerKooi, “But kids need to have downtime to refresh themselves after their busy week at school.”
Plus, giving kids time to do as they please helps build problem-solving skills. “That’s how they learn to occupy themselves,” says VanDerKooi. “If every moment of their day is scheduled for them, they have difficulty making decisions and come to rely more on you.”
Kids should help with chores
The household duties don’t stop when you’re on your own – but they don’t need to be tackled by you alone. “The kids can help,” says VanDerKooi. “It helps them feel like they’re members of the family.”
Here’s how to approach chores with kids: She suggests saying to them, for example, “I know we want to go see Beetlejuice Beetlejuice this weekend, and I would love to do that, but we also have to rake the leaves in the backyard – when do you think we should schedule that in?”
When you have them participate in the planning, the chore doesn’t feel like a punishment, she explains. “The whole concept of the Montessori method is that children learn through work – they emulate adult responsibilities and genuinely want to be involved, so why not use that to build in natural time together?”
Your kids don’t need fussy activities
“In our society, we feel a need to fill every moment with a meaningful activity, but anything can be meaningful,” says VanDerKooi. Instead of worrying about scheduling adventurous activities like ziplining into your weekend, it’s okay to organize more everyday moments. Is rain in the forecast for Saturday? Stay home in the morning, make breakfast together, set a beautiful table and enjoy a meal without time restraints, suggests VanDerKooi. Looking for a low-key escape from the house? Visit grandparents, which can count as downtime to help little ones recharge before the week ahead.
Going out alone with your kids gets easier the more you do it
Often, parents’ biggest fear about venturing outside the home alone with their kids is navigating through a tantrum on their own. And they have every right to fear it: “Tantrums in public are the hardest thing to deal with, because it’s no longer just you and your child, it’s everybody else and their opinion,” says VanDerKooi.
The best way to handle them is to not give in to your child’s complaint and try not to be embarrassed. “You are the parent, you know your child, you know the expectations you have set, so trust yourself,” says VanDerKooi. Take them to a quiet place if possible, and talk them through their feelings, acknowledging why they’re upset, and give them a hug.
What also helps is, naturally, doing what you can to avoid tantrums.
“Prepare them for transitions,” says VanDerKooi. Since kids often get upset when having to leave a location, tell them ahead of time that you will be staying for an hour, for example, and then you have to leave to make dinner. Give them time countdowns – 20-minute, 10-minute, and five-minute warnings, says VanDerKooi. That can help ease the news that they’ll have to soon say goodbye to whatever they’re doing.
Scheduling time for yourself is not only okay, it’s essential
“You have to find a way to take care of yourself while also taking care of the children,” says VanDerKooi. “That’s something to schedule into your weekend.”
It’s easy to understand that taking care of your own needs can make you a better parent, but it’s not so easy to actually do.
VanDerKooi says you shouldn’t feel selfish about it. In fact, it should be a priority. Give yourself time to do what you need by letting your kids have time to themselves.
“You’re setting a good model for your kids,” says VanDerKooi. “You’re teaching them about the need to nurture ourselves and our souls – if our children never see us do that, we’re only paying lip service to it.”
