The best gift I receive over the holidays is the ability to slow down, relax and spend time with family and friends.
I am sometimes awkward when I receive gifts, but I love giving them. I am known for giving gifts at any time, for no reason. I know it weirds people out sometimes, but after a while they get used it, or just accept it as one of my quirks.
When I learned the Elders’ teaching: “If you feel it in your heart, do it,” I started to feel less hesitant to give gifts to people. This time of year, I feel it’s free rein.
Christmas is a time when people’s plans are rooted in tradition. Some have been in place for generations, and others are still maturing.
Even people I know who don’t celebrate Christmas enjoy the slower pace of the holidays, and have their own traditions such as ordering Chinese food on the 25th.
Each December, I purchase a Nintendo game and spend the two-week break on my couch. I don’t play video games much any other time of year, but it’s my December thing. I know it’s probably not a normal holiday tradition for a mother in her 40s.
In my family, we have other special things we like to do together, movies we watch and foods we make.
Since my daughter was young, we’ve loved making tortillas on a small press, preparing salsas and sauces and other dishes.
For several years since we learned tamales were a traditional Christmas meal in Mexico, we’ve always picked a day over the break to make them. We do not have any Mexican lineage, but love the food, and it’s one our family holiday traditions.
We do always enjoy a turkey dinner with friends on the 25th.
Whatever the tradition in your house, it’s OK if it’s not the norm for others. That’s the best part of traditions — the more rare they are, the more special they can be for you and your family.
When my daughter was younger, she didn’t enjoy a turkey dinner. She didn’t like the turkey or sides such as stuffing, roasted root vegetables, cranberry sauce or gravy.
One year for Thanksgiving, I’d mentioned to a friend I was going to make tacos, with handmade tortillas, homemade salsa and pickled vegetables, with beans and steak.
In my home, that was, and still is, a special meal prepared with love, received the same way other families would a turkey dinner.
The friend was upset with me, and gave me a lecture on traditions, and what my daughter’s memories were doing to be. Basically, she was telling me my actions were not good parenting.
My response was: “It’s just me and my daughter for Thanksgiving. She doesn’t like turkey dinner, and it would be more frustrating for me to spend hours making a meal she wouldn’t eat or enjoy, when I could spend the same time making something we both love.”
The friend continued to judge me. Those words hurt and had me question my parenting and decisions.
I did make tacos that year, but I didn’t tell anyone else.
My daughter enjoys turkey dinner now, but if we’re alone on Thanksgiving, we always opt for our taco dinner.
When I was a kid, I watched a lot of television, and I found myself comparing my life to the shows, which often left me feeling disappointed.
I didn’t have a family like the ones on TV. We didn’t celebrate holidays like them. We didn’t have homes and finances like them, and our problems weren’t resolved in 30 minutes.
Don’t let others’ judgment, or comparisons to fictional characters, make you feel like your day isn’t being celebrated or observed in the “correct way.”
This time of year can be tough for many people — those who are alone, who live away from family or have toxic families that cause more harm than healing.
If you’re spending Christmas in a less-than-traditional way, or if it’s a hard day that doesn’t bring joy, please know that there is no one right way to spend the day, and if your day looks different than other people’s, that’s OK.
If Christmas is hard day for you, don’t feel like you are obligated to do anything you don’t want to. If it’s just another day to you, that’s OK, too.
One thing I’ve learned in my life is that no matter what I am feeling, experiencing or thinking, there are bound to be many other people in the world who are in the same place.
Each time I remind myself of that, I find comfort in knowing I am not the only one.
I hope you spend Christmas Day in a way that honours your own wishes, that you reach out to people who you know would appreciate it, and acknowledge that Dec. 25 means different things to different people.
Charla Huber is an Indigenous communications consultant based in the capital region. Her family is from Beausoleil First Nation and Fort Chipewyan.
