This week, I was asked to give a motivational speech at the Royal Roads University convocation. I was honoured and agreed, and then when I started thinking about what I was going to say, I was stumped.
I thought of every clichéd graduation speech I’ve seen in films, and cringed. I am an optimist and try to lead with positivity and I know the graduates worked hard to earn their degrees. I just didn’t feel like the right person so say: “Spread your wings and fly.”
It’s never been that easy for me.
I left home at 18 with a backpack and worked seasonal jobs that offered staff accommodation, then moved into hostels, and eventually small apartments with several people sharing.
I’ve had to work hard and prove my worth along the way.
I couldn’t with a clear conscience stand up and say: “You are all going to change the world and share what you’ve learned.”
Obviously, that is my hope, but things can be hard. There have been times in my life when it’s felt like the only person who wanted me to succeed was myself.
So, my speech was motivational, with a twist.
I shared that halfway through my master’s degree, I took out a label maker and printed off the date when my program would end. Not because I wasn’t enjoying it, but I needed to have a tangible finish line. I used that label as a reminder whenever I felt overwhelmed.
I wanted to highlight the struggles, failures and letdowns I experienced.
Recently, I met up with someone who I had only been in contact with via email and connected by other colleagues. In the messages, my colleagues had given me high praise. It felt a little over the top and I didn’t feel like I deserved it, but that’s my own issue that I am working on.
When the person approached me, I introduced myself, and they said: “Oh you’re Charla,” with a puzzled look.
They knew I was associate faculty and asked what I taught.
I answered.
“That’s easy,” they replied.
It was odd. I’ve never said that to anyone, let alone someone I had just met. There were a couple of other odd interactions, where I figured they were letting me know they were better than me.
I can’t say for sure, but as I reflect on this, my inference was that this person heard high praise about me, then when they met me, my appearance didn’t match what they pictured that person earning high praise would look like.
My appearance has never opened any doors for me — that’s my joke. But it’s also true.
There are some people who will get opportunities and promotions easier than others.
Life isn’t like the movies — things aren’t always easy. There may be no kismet, no love at first sight, no right place at the right time. There are going to be people who doubt you, who think you don’t have what it takes, and who dismiss your ideas.
There will be people you want to work with, work for or mentor, and they might not want to work with you. As hard as it is, don’t worry about it.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been overlooked, dismissed or told no.
One of life’s mottos is: “If the worst thing someone can say to me is ‘no,’ then I might as well try.”
It’s interesting because when you are someone who has experienced a lot of rejection, rejection becomes less scary, less personal.
When I was 20 and trying to get a job at Walmart, the hiring manager looked at me and said: “I’m going to be honest with you — we’re looking for cashiers.”
“Ouch!” This man thought I was nowhere near Walmart cashier status.
When you read a bio, you see the accomplishments, but not all the mistakes.
Anything I am good at now, or skills people hire me for, are the results of many mistakes and fumbles along the way.
I wanted the graduates to know that they will stumble and fumble, and people will discredit them, but as long as they continue to put one foot in front of the other, they’ll get where they are going.
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