Dear Lisi: My boyfriend and I officially broke up almost a year ago. We were together a few years and had a great relationship. He went on a work trip, came home and told me he wanted to move to another part of the world where his company has an office. He wanted me to join, but I think he knew I wouldn’t.
I have a special needs sibling, and my dad isn’t in good health. We clung to each other for two months, trying desperately to make “it” work. And then we stopped any communication for two months, knowing we were just around the corner.
Eight months ago, we said our goodbyes and had a crazy night-into-day breakup sex session. I was left with swollen eyes from crying; I was also left with his cat and a urinary tract infection. It’s been a tough time as I still love him, but I’m slowly getting over it. I know that he’s probably never coming back.
I recently went to a Halloween party, bumped into some old friends, decided to party it up since I hadn’t in a long time, and ended up sleeping with an old flame. For me it was just a getting back on the saddle kind of thing, but he’s now knocking on my door daily … and I have another urinary tract infection.
Is this a punishment?
Sex sucks
NO! Your emotional status is not, in this instance, directly related to your physical health.
After speaking with a gynecologist, you probably acquired your first UTI from excessive intercourse in a limited time frame. And your second UTI probably occurred because your body was unused to having intercourse (almost a year later) and couldn’t fight off the bacteria that enters through contamination through penetration.
Often when you have new sex, it’s easy to get a UTI. But bottom line, it’s just coincidence that your most recent encounter, and the one before that, resulted in infection.
So, get the right medications, treat your infection and you’ll start to feel much better. Then start the dating process and go slow. This too shall pass. And remember to always make sure you have enough lubrication during intercourse, to pee after sexual activity, and drink lots of water to flush out your system.
Dear Lisi: My girlfriend wants to have sex often, which I’m happy about. The only thing I find strange is that I think she likes it when my roommates hear her/us. I live with five other guys in a house off campus. A few of us have girlfriends and we try to keep our relationships private, as in, we don’t lie around on the couches doing anything other than talking or watching TV. We keep our physical activity private in our rooms.
But my girlfriend instigates wild sex whenever she knows that there are people around. And she becomes louder and louder the more people are in the house. Twice now, one of the other roommates has made a comment in the morning. I’m awkward and embarrassed, but she seems to glow.
Is she an exhibitionist? An attention seeker? Or what?
Uncomfortable
I’m not sure of your girlfriend’s motive, but does it matter what we label her? I think that what matters most is how you feel about her performance. If you don’t mind that she gets turned on by an audience (even though no one is actually watching you), then you can enjoy her enjoyment. But, if you feel it’s no longer about you and her as a couple, and more about her as a sexual exhibitionist, you may want to rethink your relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with finding what turns you ON in different ways, as long as it’s not a turn OFF to the partner.
FEEDBACK Regarding the bullied neighbours (Sept. 30):
Reader #1 – A solution for the family being bullied by their noisy upstairs neighbours - play loud music!
Reader #2 – Your answer should have included more than just sympathy. They could call a bylaw officer about the noise from the upstairs tenant if the landlord continues to do nothing.
And while I sympathize about the bullying, don’t let the upstairs bullies live rent-free in your head. Ignore their listening behaviour (who cares what they hear?) or anything else they do, so long as they don’t really interfere with your life.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized not to waste energy on people like that. If they become confrontational, don’t react or emotionally escalate and just call the police. And just keep calling the police. Eventually the upstairs tenant will get tired of it and either stop or move away. Don’t let the terrorists win.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
