Dear Lisi: My neighbour thinks I know she’s having an affair with a woman. It’s not my business and I don’t care. I feel bad for her husband because he seems like a nice guy, but I don’t know him. He’s away often, I assume for work, but again, I don’t know.
The only reason this is an issue is that a few nights ago, I saw the two women kissing on her porch. It was late and they were sitting outside with a bottle of wine between them, and a candle which gave off the littlest bit of light. I was walking home from a work thing, all in black, and they didn’t see me, so I just kept my head down and tried to rush past. But then my phone rang and when I pulled it out of my purse, I saw that my neighbour saw me.
Now she’s knocking on my door and wants to talk. She came by the next morning, but I was in the shower. My boyfriend asked what it was about, but she wouldn’t say, just that she’d come back. She did come back later that evening, but we were eating dinner. She said she really needed to talk to me. I said I would pop over.
But I don’t want to. I absolutely don’t want to get involved in her life. What do I do?
Not Nosy Neighbour
Don’t go over. She’ll come back. Make sure your boyfriend is home. Invite her in to be polite (and because it’s cold outside), but not to stay. If she starts to explain, stop her and tell her that her business is her business, and you have no desire to be involved or even apprised of her personal activities. If she insists on explaining, then you can insist on your boyfriend being present. That should stop her from spilling her guts.
I’m not suggesting being mean, but you said you want no part of her private business, so this is the best way to quash her oversharing.
Dear Lisi: I’ve often wondered whether letters in your column and other advice columns are real. After all, if you really had a dilemma, would you write to a newspaper or magazine in hopes that your letter would be published and in a timely manner?
So, imagine my surprise when I read a letter in your column (Oct. 31), and then by complete coincidence saw virtually the same letter in the November 2024 issue of the Village Post written to their advice columnist. The latter was a slightly edited version, and the replies by you and Sangita Patel were different. How was it possible that the same letter was published on practically the same day in two different Toronto publications? It seems very odd.
Another recent column tackled a letter concerning a Thanksgiving weekend dilemma and was published a day or two after the long weekend. If the person really needed help, having the letter published after Thanksgiving wouldn’t be very useful.
Coincidence?
Wow! Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I can assure you that, from my end, this was unplanned and unintentional. I can only surmise that the same person who wrote to me, also wrote to Sangita, in the hope that one of us would respond.
I tend to run about a month behind in answering readers’ letters, due to the volume of letters I receive and the amount of space available in each column. I also write two to three weeks ahead. I imagine that Sangita has a similar deadline, which is how the same person’s question may have been answered by both of us around the same time.
And regarding the Thanksgiving answer, I replied privately on time.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].
