Dear Lisi: My husband and I are in our early 80s. We are both in good health with no underlying medical issues. We both toss and turn a lot in our sleep and find sleeping in the nude stops us from being all tangled up in pyjamas. But as we age, I can’t help thinking that some people die in their sleep. This has raised a tricky question for me. I would hate the paramedics to handle my naked body! Would the other one of us be able to put something on the other’s body or are you not allowed to touch a body once someone passes away?
I know this sounds morbid but it’s a question that bothers me. Is there some way you can consult someone and get an answer for me? Or do I need to learn to sleep in pyjamas?
Concerned
You are correct, it is not unheard of for people to die in their sleep. But that shouldn’t stop you from sleeping with or without clothes on. If, unfortunately, one of you were to not wake up, the other one would try everything to wake you, which would include touching, maybe shaking, and even CPR. So, removing jewelry, and/or clothing, or putting on clothing is allowed. And in your specific case, dressing the body would provide dignity to the deceased and would not be frowned upon.
So, enjoy sleeping in the nude.
Dear Lisi: My sister is inept when it comes to finances. I’ve spent my whole life bailing her out of financial ruin. I moved to another country to put space between us, hoping it would give her the impetus to try harder. No luck. She just leaned more on her husband, who was a gambler and a liar.
When he died, she thought she would be left money to take care of his funeral, tie up any loose ends, and maintain the lifestyle she had been accustomed to, which wasn’t even that extravagant. Unfortunately, he left her with a massive debt, nothing to pay for the funeral and less than zero left over. She had to sell her house and some of her jewelry to get out from under the debt, and only with the pro-bono help of a family friend lawyer.
I supported her emotionally while she was going through this trying time but offered no financial aid. I knew she needed a hard lesson, and this was the perfect opportunity. She lived frugally for a few years, learning how to pay her own bills, and manage what little money she had. She even took on some part-time work because she was desperate for the income.
However, she has recently met a new man who’s been showering her with gifts and she’s in heaven. She’s stopped working and spends her days shopping with him, going out for meals, and they have even started travelling together. I’m concerned that she is going to fall into the same trap her husband laid for her, as I don’t have a good feeling about this new guy.
How can I remind her of what can happen without bursting her bubble, especially since I don’t know this man’s financial status?
Money Mess
Talk to your sister and tell her your concerns. Tell her you want the best for her, but you’re worried. And you’re not there to see for yourself. Suggest that she continue to work a little bit, and put some money aside, and keep her apartment just in case.
Impress upon her that this isn’t a reflection on her, or a diss to her new man. You’re just being a thoughtful, protective sibling and the last thing you want is for her to go through that financial headache again.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who dumped her boyfriend (Oct. 2):
Reader – “A six-month relationship is still in its early stages, when two people are getting to know each other. What his girlfriend needs is reassurance that his social behaviour with other women is not indicative of him cheating. They need to talk, not break up.
“Perhaps she felt ignored or left out when he was talking to women he’d known much longer than her. He should reach out with flowers and a request to talk. Her response will tell him whether the relationship is worth saving.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the plastic surgery (Oct. 9):
Reader – “This mean-spirited letter was written by a nosy busybody. People usually have cosmetic surgery to feel happy and self-confident; it’s a personal decision and nobody else’s business. Only a rude dolt would ask what she’s done to look different, and it’s certainly not disingenuous to ignore a question that doesn’t deserve an answer.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Email questions to [email protected].
