Dear Lisi: I’m a 26-year-old heterosexual male looking for love. I live and work outdoors, in different professional capacities depending on the season. And I usually move every four to six months, depending on where the work takes me.
I had a girlfriend for a short time, but we weren’t invested enough to not say goodbye at the end of the season. I had another girlfriend for a season with whom I was invested, but she got a job in another country, and I wasn’t willing to go that far for her.
I read somewhere that I should increase my pheromones by not washing more than once a week, but with all my activity, I could barely stand the smell of myself after three days.
What do you suggest I do to find love?
Outdoor Man
Definitely wash! And wash your clothes and brush your teeth. It’s true that everyone has a scent, and we are attracted or repelled by other people’s scents. I remember being friends with a guy once who decided he liked me. He got closer than he had ever been, and I got a whiff of him and bolted. That was my inner person saying, “This guy isn’t the one.”
Keep your hair, body, clothing and breath smelling fresh and clean — and then just be yourself. You will find someone who enjoys your same lifestyle, or at least can understand it and live with it. You’re still young; be patient.
Dear Lisi: My boyfriend and I have been together for six years. I’m older than him by a few years, but not many. But I can see that at this point in our relationship, the difference feels like a chasm. My internal body clock is starting to tick, and I can feel the pull towards marriage, settling down, starting a family…. But I can also feel that he is not there with me.
We’ve talked about the future, what we both want, and we’re mostly on the same page. I’m just starting to feel the page turn and I know he’s a few pages behind. I don’t want to push him into anything, but I know I’ll only be able to hold off this inner push for so long.
What should I do?
Tick Tock
Talk to your man! It’s a tricky time, I know. Explain to him what’s going on within, and that it’s beyond your control. Then try to come up with a time frame. For example, if he says, I’m four years from being ready for what you’re talking about, and you think you can’t wait that long, try to agree on a compromise of two years.
I’m simplifying, I know, but I also know it’s nearly impossible to explain that gut yearning, and it’s very difficult to rein in. Perhaps if you can agree to take slow steps, your mind will be occupied with those long enough to almost match his timing.
I wish you the best!
FEEDBACK Regarding bored in bed (July 11):
Reader #1 - “…. you are going to have to talk to your man.” This response is DEFINITELY from a female perspective.
“We guys do NOT like talking. But we DO like being guided. So, take action, but not control. Take his hand and gently guide him. Gently suggest positions, moves, etc. that she wants, and show him. I honestly believe he will respond (I know I would) and BOTH will enjoy it even more. Make it a game, as though you BOTH want to try new things.”
Reader #2 – “If she starts with talking then she’s either going to say, ‘you’re not good at this’ or her boyfriend is going to somehow pick up on that message. He’s going to feel worse about sex and it’s going to spiral.
“I’m a real fan of talking but why does this even have to be a conversation? There are other ways of communicating and since sex is mostly an act(ion), show rather than tell is better. There is an adage – ‘actions speak louder than words’ and I firmly believe in it.
“If she isn’t saying anything, nothing will change. Ask for a massage. Ask for more kissing. Say, ‘let’s try something new - you do this, I’ll do that.’ If you show him what you like, then he can act on it. If he doesn’t like any of it, well, now you have a problem that you must talk out.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
