Dear Lisi: I’m lucky enough to have a cottage, where I spend many weekends and a good chunk of time during the summer. Living (permanently) nearby, I have cousins on both my dad’s and my mom’s side of the family. I will call them Cousin One and Cousin Two. I’m close to both. Over the past few years, I have introduced these cousins and their wives to each other via gatherings at my place. We always have a great time; I knew they would all get along very well. I should add that my husband died four years ago so I’m on my own now and very much look forward to these gatherings with my family.
Our last gathering was a few weeks back at Cousin One’s house; they wanted to host this time. We had another fun evening. As Cousin Two and his wife were leaving, I heard Cousin One’s wife suggesting to Cousin Two and his wife that the four of them get together for dinner. I was not included in these arrangements.
I was very hurt by this. I realize that single people at gatherings and dinners can make for an awkward number, however this is my family! And I get that they all live up north and I don’t, however, I’m up frequently and always arrange get-togethers for all of us when I’m there. And since we had literally just gotten together, I didn’t see why this suggestion was being made.
Am I wrong to feel slighted by this?
Feeling Hurt
No, you’re not wrong. But from my perspective, I don’t believe it was meant to be hurtful or to leave you out. You mentioned that you live in the city, and they live up North. I think it’s great that they like each other so much, thanks to you, that they are now friends independent of you.
As long as when you’re up North, you’re included, then don’t let their get-togethers when you’re not around bother you.
Dear Lisi: I work in an office, in a building, on the fifth floor. Our office is directly across from the elevator, so we keep our doors always closed. We have our own washroom, thankfully, but it’s supposed to be only for those of us who work there, and not for our clients.
I’m often the only one at the desk, which is right beside the washroom. The other people in the office work down the hall. On several occasions, they have given access to their clients to use our washroom, as opposed to the one just down the main hall, which is for public use.
The problem is when someone uses the washroom for something other than a quick in and out. As soon as they open the door, the smell escapes and I am ensconced in a toxic cloud. It’s intolerable and foul.
I’ve expressed my concern to the office manager, and to my bosses, but nothing has been done. I can’t work there anymore.
S-t Show
Yuck!
But it sounds as though you have three options: 1) Move your desk away from that area, if that is at all possible based on what your position requires; 2) Put a lock on the door and have the key at your desk. That way, when a client comes to use the washroom, you can tell them it’s locked and to use the public one down the hall; 3) Make a last-ditch attempt with your manager and bosses, explaining the situation again, and using every graphic word you can think of. That should get the message across. And if it doesn’t, well, then yes, you’d be better off not working there anymore.
FEEDBACK Regarding “One foot out” (Oct. 12):
Reader – “She should see a divorce lawyer NOW. She should start reviewing ALL their finances, including his transactions, to ensure she’s not being left financially stranded.
“This guy is just looking for permission to cheat and may already be cheating. So, start looking for signs.
“What about her health? Based on my suspicions I would STRONGLY advise getting a full medical checkup now, primarily for any STIs.
“Her questioning signifies that she’ll never be on board. Why should she? How does ‘open marriage’ fulfil the promise to honour?”
Reader’s Commentary “I’m the person who wondered (Aug. 21) what to do with my wedding ring that now incites painful memories. I read the suggestion (Oct. 18) of repurposing it into earrings and I love the idea; it’s exactly what I’m going to do!
“Thank you for printing my initial letter and much gratitude to your reader for the thoughtful response.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].
