Dear Lisi: There’s a woman I see every morning on my way to my parents’ house. I start my day by walking my parents’ dog for them. My dad leaves early for work and my mom is having some health issues, so I offered to help. It’s nice especially because she always has a hot coffee waiting for me.
There’s something wrong with this woman, though. She never seems to be dressed appropriately. On warm days, she’s wearing too much clothing and now that it’s cold, she doesn’t seem to be wearing enough clothing. She looks clean and in good physical health, so I don’t think she lives on the street. And she walks with a purpose. But she’s always muttering to herself and gesticulating.
Sometimes, she stops, turns in circles and waves her hands. Is there something I should be doing?
Concerned Citizen
You have no idea what this woman is dealing with or going through, so there’s no way for me to specify how to help. However, I strongly believe in the power of friendliness. Smile and say hello whenever you see her. If she’s stopped and turning in circles, ask her if she’s OK. You’ll get a better sense from the first time you engage. And then move forward accordingly.
If you’re really concerned about her physical health and well-being, or perhaps think she is in an emergency situation, for example, if you see her walking in open-toed sandals through a blizzard, you could call 911. If you’re more concerned for her mental health but don’t think there’s any imminent danger, for example, if she seems lost and incapable of asking for help, you could call 211, which will get you to the Toronto Community Crisis Service (TCCS). They have a patrol who go out and do wellness checks, mental health crisis checks, etc. Both 911 and 211 work in conjunction with each other so if you’ve called one and they deem the other necessary, they’ll take care of that.
It takes a village ….
Dear Lisi: Last week, while walking my dog, I noticed some people I had never seen before walking in and out of my neighbours’ home. We were friendly when we’d see each other on the street and would grab a coffee together maybe twice a year, when we were both heading in the same direction. Our kids are not the same age or gender, so they didn’t really know each other. But our husbands would chat into the evening maybe twice a month in the warmer months, once a month when the weather was less favourable.
So, we were more than neighbours, but not quite friends. I said hello on my way to these people, but on my way back, I stopped to chat. I introduced myself and asked where my neighbours were, and how they came to be in the house. To my shock they said the neighbours had sold the house and moved away!
I told my husband, and he was also shocked. There had been no mention, no sign and no goodbye. Just a quiet off-market sale and they disappeared. Something just doesn’t sit right with me. They didn’t owe us an explanation but to disappear like that seems abnormally secretive.
What do you think?
Vanishing Neighbours
I think you weren’t good enough friends for them to tell you what was going on in their lives. Something must have happened for them to have decided to move, and they clearly didn’t want to advertise. If you were friendly enough that you have his or her phone number, either you or your husband could reach out. But if you don’t, then I wouldn’t bother.
People do what works best for them, and clearly disappearing without a word was how they wanted to leave. Let it go.
FEEDBACK Regarding the bullied neighbours (Sept. 30):
Reader – “While you did give this reader some good advice to contact the FMTA (Federation of Metro Tenants’ Associations), you did not give her good advice by telling her that she may have to move, without telling her what her other options are. It is the landlord’s responsibility to ensure that each tenant has reasonable enjoyment, and she can email her landlord to ask that something is done and keep emailing each and every incident (documentation with time and length of incident is important!). If nothing is being done, then she can file against the landlord at the landlord-tenant board. The landlord can give an N5 notice to the offending tenant(s), then they have a limited amount of time to stop the offending actions before proceedings are brought to the Landlord and Tenant Board.”
Tenant’s Advocate
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
