Dear Lisi: I’m recently divorced and looking for some safe intimacy. A friend of mine told me about an online sex site, where people put up profiles, with photos, in search of other people looking for the same thing. I was hesitant to join.
My friend had told me about his experience on the site and it sounded “messier” than what I was hoping for, but he said you can really find a variety of people looking for different levels of interaction. So, I started looking around.
To my complete surprise, I have found two women with whom I have a connection. Yes, we were intimate quickly (since that’s the point of the site) but not without talking first over social media, and then meeting in person for a coffee, walk, lunch and some face-to-face time before we got undressed.
I didn’t think I was ready to meet anyone to date, which is why I didn’t choose a dating site. But these women have changed my mind. Now I’m in a conundrum because I’d like to date them and get to know them better and NOT just have sex with them. Do you think that’s possible?
Sexy connections
I think anything is possible. Talk to these women, separately of course, and find out if they’re willing and interested in more than just casual intimacy. They may not be, which is why they joined the site, and that might shut you down before you begin.
But you won’t know unless you ask. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
Dear Lisi: I’m in my mid-50s, looking for a relationship. I grew up surrounded by Jewish friends in a big city where multiculturalism thrived. I was also attracted to the Jewish way of life, enjoying the openness and communication found at the dinner table, as compared to my quiet, staid, reserved parents who thought the dinner table was a place to eat in silence.
I even went so far as to check my DNA in hopes that maybe I had been switched at birth, but to my dismay, there wasn’t an ounce of Jewish blood in me.
When I was younger, I dated several Jewish guys, but none led to anything more serious than a year or two. I’ve been married and am now divorced, and now I know what I want.
I recently heard about a Jewish dating site. I don’t want to lie but I want a piece of that action. Do you think I should go on?
Looking for Love
Though this sounds too much like the Netflix special, Nobody Wants This, I can attest to this letter’s authenticity. It’s clear that you would like to be part of the Jewish culture and that you are sincerely attracted to Jewish guys.
I did some research, and you don’t have to be Jewish to join a Jewish dating site. But, in my opinion, you should be very up front about who you are and what you’re looking for. At your age/stage, your religion is slightly less important. In Judaism, the Jewish bloodline is passed down through the mother. So, if you were younger and looking to start a family, a Jewish man on a Jewish dating site would most likely be looking for a Jewish woman (or one willing to convert — watch the show for more on that topic). But without kids as a factor, your bloodline becomes less of an issue.
I say go for it! Looking for love is tricky without any parameters. If you have a “type” then focus on finding someone in that box.
FEEDBACK Regarding the baked boyfriend (Aug. 29):
Reader — “I married a man who was a casual, but frequent pot smoker (and video game addict). Red flags of addiction were everywhere, but I thought he’d love me enough to focus on me instead — and for a few years, he managed to pretend.
“However, after 16 years of marriage all he cares about is pot and video games. He pays the bills, but there is little connection. He never remembers or cares enough that he has a wife, a home, a daughter and a dog.
“It’s exhausting, and I’m faced with loneliness daily. Please, for the love of your future and your happiness, don’t think this will change.
“Marijuana reduces motivation and is addictive. I’m a dependant, so just walking away isn’t as easy as it sounds. If you don’t like it now, don’t marry him. Because fast forward 16 years you won’t have a choice.”
Lonely wife
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
