Dear Lisi: My grandmother is First Nations and very proud. She dresses in traditional dress, cooks as much traditional food as possible, and speaks to me only in her native dialect. As a child, I didn’t know any different, but now that I’m a teenager, I think it’s amazing that she is keeping our heritage alive. And I love the way she dresses — it’s so cool!
But I don’t love all the foods, and I certainly don’t like taking those foods to school. Also, I notice that when people come over, they think my house smells funny. Compared to their homes, it does. It smells smoky and often fishy.
I live with my grandmother because she took me away from my parents when I was a newborn. My parents were too young to take care of me. My grandmother wanted a better life for me, so she left her home and all that she knew to move with me to a city so I could have a better life.
We stayed with friends and people who became family until she could afford a place just for us. And as soon as she did, another woman and her baby needed help, so we have all lived together for as long as I can remember.
I wouldn’t change any of it … except for the smelly food. But how do I tell my grandmother?
Aromatic Abode
Your grandmother sounds like a very strong woman. I am sure she is very proud of you, as you should be of her. Food is often a meaningful part of culture, and your grandmother is sharing that with you. Still, I think it’s fair of you to say that you would rather take more mainstream foods — or even traditional foods but the less pungent ones — to school. It’s similar to you choosing to wear non-traditional clothing to school.
As long as your grandmother feels that you are accepting and furthering your traditions, by speaking her language, eating her foods, knowing her traditions, she will likely be OK with you choosing to not stand out when with your teenage friends.
Dear Lisi: Recently, you described your personality. I’ve had family and friends describe me similarly. Which I believe led to this:
I was on my daily walk on a rural road, having moved out to the country. There are very few other walkers, and most cars drive past quickly. I was surprised when a car stopped and the woman in the back seat lowered the window to talk to me. She explained that she had a sick relative and her religion beliefs where that if they gifted a stranger, prayers for recovery would be granted. She held out a ring to put on my hand. All the while talking to me, she then put two chains around my right wrist. I was thanked and they drove off. I checked the chains and discovered that my gold bracelet was gone.
I phoned the police; an officer came out and took my statement. He said it was unusual in a rural area, usually occurring in parking lots or areas where there were more people to target.
Approximately two weeks later, another elderly man in Burlington went through the same experience, as seen on the news. I phoned the police involved and described the car and the two occupants, and we connected both incidents.
I will be more alert and less trusting of meeting people. But do I have to change my entire personality?
Stranger Danger
Absolutely not! You just have to be less naïve and more aware of your surroundings. Try to be a little more cautious, especially when out on your own. And make sure someone always knows your whereabouts.
FEEDBACK Regarding Boyfriend Blues (Oct. 11):
Reader – Why not let the guy rest a bit? My guess is he’s been at school his entire life and worked hard to get where he is. Why not allow him some down time for himself? And that means whatever that down time means for HIM, not anyone else.
I think we’re so obsessed with constantly being busy to justify our existence. That constant “hustle culture” does not allow for reflective and relaxing time. I think it’s just as necessary.
I feel there may be a little bit of resentment as well, given that she’s working full time and he’s taking a break, relaxing and living his life as HE needs to right now. Just a thought.
Lisi – You’re on point regarding our hustle culture. And she may be resentful of his time off. But she did suggest he travel and he’s not doing that either. Thank you for your feedback.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
