Dear Lisi: I’m in first year university, living in a dorm, in a room by myself, with a shared bathroom. My washroom partner is a nice girl, shy and quiet. There are two problems: one, she is very hairy with long, curly black hair. It falls out a lot in the shower and clogs the drain, and there are also strands every time I go in. It’s gross!
Problem number two is that when she uses the washroom, it is very smelly and the smell seeps into my room. It’s gag-worthy. What do I do?
Shared Space
If you are new to living alone, so too, probably is your washroom partner. With as much kindness, and as gently as possible, you need to teach her some basic hygiene lessons.
For the shower, teach her that every time she gets out, she needs to grab a piece of tissue and wipe the hairs off the walls and floor of the shower. And reach into the drain and grab what she can. I also suggest purchasing a shower drain hair catcher. They run from $1 up to $25 from my quick research.
For the bathroom smell, teach her to flush often — even mid-movement — and purchase different types of air fresheners. There’s one I love called Poo-Pourri that you spray BEFORE you go. You could also grab an old towel from your parent’s house to place at the bottom of the washroom door to trap any odours emanating before they can seep into your living space.
Dear Lisi: I grew up without really celebrating any holidays. My parents claimed they were agnostic, but I think my mom was just lazy, and my dad was a grinch. They were miserable. As a result, as soon as I moved out on my own, I started celebrating everything with a vengeance. I have since collected a multitude of knick-knacks for every holiday. And I still love to decorate my home accordingly and celebrate with culture specific food, entertainment and traditions.
My new boyfriend is a minimalist. He hates clutter and kitsch. He refuses to help me do anything. He won’t help me move the boxes in and out of my garage; he won’t help me hang anything or carry anything heavy; and he won’t help me clean up. In the past, I have hired a company to help me. I’m very short and not very strong. Now I want my boyfriend to help but we just fight.
Are we doomed before we get through a year of celebration?
Kitsch Galore
Maybe…. and maybe not. But if there’s any hope for you two, you’ll BOTH have to compromise. For him that’ll mean engaging in some way, whether that’s helping you set up, tear down, or enjoying the actual holiday. But don’t expect him to take on every single holiday you currently celebrate.
That’s where your compromise comes in. You’ll need to look at all the holidays on your roster and let go of some. I can’t give you a number because I don’t know how many you currently engage in. And perhaps put out half your decorations instead of all.
Don’t turn this into a deal breaker heavy at this stage of your relationship. Make it a fun discussion and a chance to learn about each other more. Why doesn’t your new guy like Easter, for example? Is he allergic to chocolate? Afraid of bunnies? Why do you celebrate Greek Easter if you’re not Greek? These are just openers to a bigger discussion.
But if finding a common happy place is proving too difficult, then there may be too many differences in the way you two want to live your lives. Better to cut your losses and look for love elsewhere.
FEEDBACK Regarding the fair finances (Sept. 19):
Reader — “If this couple isn’t contemplating engagement and marriage, they should play it safe and arrange their finances like roommates: split rent and other costs evenly, no mingling of credit, regardless of differences in income. This will give them a chance to assess each other’s financial reliability and responsibility. And, if there’s a breakup, the person who paid more won’t be resentful, nor will one be stuck with the other’s credit charges.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the poisoned partner (Sept. 23):
Reader — “It may be time to look for a new doctor, or at least get a second opinion. Strongly request a referral to a neurologist, psychiatrist or psychologist. Or a doctor who specifically knows the effects of being poisoned.
“She knows her husband and knows something has changed. Unfortunately, with our medical system today it’s important to be persistent. Do not give up.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send questions to [email protected].
