Dear Lisi: My mother is losing her physical abilities and I’m at a loss as to how to help her out. She used to be very strong and able to walk for hours. She was recently sick and was in bed for the better part of two weeks. As a result, she has lost much of her muscle in her legs. I’ve tried suggesting we go for a walk once a day, but she’s only agreed once in the past three weeks.
I think she’s depressed. How can I help her before this becomes the beginning of the end?
Immobile Momma
You’ve pinpointed exactly what can happen if your mom doesn’t get the help she needs. With her by your side, look online for seniors’ walking groups. Find something that’s interesting to her, perhaps, walking in a certain park in your city, or getting out of the city to the country. Then together search for an in-home physiotherapist (if available in your area), who will come to her and help get her back on her feet.
The work with the physio is necessary to increase her strength and stamina with the goal of being physically able to join the group, and in turn, the group will give her social interaction. The combination will hopefully bring your mom back to a healthy place, physically and mentally.
Also, if you have siblings, children old enough to help, and/or in-laws, between the group of you, you could each take her out once a day — even just around the block — and again, the social interaction and physical movement will help her so much.
Dear Lisi: What is it with builders, contractors, plumbers, electricians — basically all tradespeople who come to your house? Why do they behave as though their time is more important than mine, and my money is never good enough for them?
I am in the process of building a free-standing carriage house at the end of my driveway. We are incorporating the garage into one side, with a spa washroom above. The other side is a bedroom, office and gym.
I get that the building itself is the size of a small starter home for a family. I understand that my home is large and special, and that I was hugely fortunate to inherit it from my grandparents. I also appreciate that my career allows me to pay for the maintenance of the house and build this extra building. None of that means that I’m willing to throw away money or that I’m celebrity wealthy.
So why do tradespeople say they’ll show up one day, but don’t? Then get annoyed when you ask where they are? It’s like arguing with children — illogical and irrational.
Annoyed and frustrated
I hear your frustration. Sit down with your contractor and his foreman on your project. Get a timeline from them with quotes. Ask them, from their experience, how often things get pushed back. For example, during COVID there were huge delays on deliveries, and huge price increases on certain supplies. Has that all gone back to “normal?”
Then set up a schedule with them for the work being done. I don’t imagine you need to be standing guard whenever they are working, though you may want to check in from time to time to ensure things are going to plan.
But back to your question — my understanding is that each transaction is unique. For example, a plumber says he’ll come at noon, after he goes somewhere else at 10 a.m. But when he gets to the first house, there are unforeseen issues, and the job takes longer than anticipated. He doesn’t show up to you until 2 p.m. Frustrating, yes. Avoidable? Not really.
In my opinion, the KEY is communication — and unfortunately, not everyone understands how easy that is.
FEEDBACK Regarding the mom of a newborn (Aug. 1):
Reader #1 – “Please contact that mother if no one else has done so and ask her to go to see her family doctor TODAY. Signs of postpartum blues must not be ignored.”
Reader #2 – “I can only comment that this lucky lady does not realize that any woman who is unable to have children would gladly trade places with her — explosive bowel movements, spit-up and all. She has a healthy baby girl who she can spend the first year with full time.
“As an aside, my manicurist has a three-month-old who she must leave every day and from conversation with her, I gather she has been back to work at least a month. I know it is easy to complain, but sometimes we must evaluate what we are complaining about and ask ourselves, is it valid?”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
