Dear Lisi: I can’t stand my daughter’s boyfriend! What do I do?
Disappointed Dad
This is unfortunate but not the end of the world, especially since you haven’t disclosed the age of your daughter or her boyfriend. If they are both teens, then it’s less serious than say, if they are already late-20s, or older.
Let me ask you some questions: What is it about him that you don’t like? How does your partner feel about him? Have you discussed how you feel with her other parent (if there is one)? Have you talked about him with your daughter, as in, what does she like about him?
Think about the answers to all the above, have those discussions, and see if maybe you’ve been quick to judge. Everyone deserves a second chance — unless they’ve done something unforgiveable.
Dear Lisi: I was shocked and uncertain what to do recently when I took my grandkids to a playground in a small town in Ontario.
There was a little girl there, all alone, her face painted with makeup. I asked where her adult was and why she was alone. She was eight years old, her dad lived “not far away” and apparently approved of her playing by herself.
About an hour later, another dad dropped off his seven-year-old daughter, told her to behave and drove away.
Should I have called police? I was really horrified that two little girls were left on their own. Anything could have happened — from injury to abduction.
Shame on these dads.
Granny with a conscience
In my opinion, you are correct: Little girls should NEVER be left alone in a playground, no matter what time of day. And I would say the same for the same age child no matter what their gender. As you say, anything can happen. Children need supervision for both physical and emotional safety.
There are so many what-ifs, I can’t even begin.
Dear Lisi: My wife and I have been married for almost 25 years; we are both in our 50s. We are of the same religion and cultural background, having grown up not far from each other in the same neighbourhood. I went to school with her older brother.
We have three happy, well-adjusted teenage daughters. We like each other’s families, share friends, and very much enjoy each other’s company.
Until recently. My wife has taken a political stance that I just can’t get behind and she is being very vocal about it. In so doing, she is creating a rift between us, and amongst the girls, two of whom believe what I believe, one standing with her mom. To be honest, I think she’s just taking her “side,” so her mom isn’t “alone” on this issue in our home.
It’s a serious issue and the more she vocalizes her opinions, the more I’m beginning to dislike her and the more I want to move away from her, politically and physically. This is destroying our family and our marriage. But other than this hot topic, she is the same woman I adore.
What do I do?
Politically opposed
I don’t want to touch this anymore than you want to live it. You haven’t revealed exactly what this is about, and I don’t want to take sides. So, from a political who’s right and who’s wrong standpoint, I wash my hands.
From a relationship perspective, you need to talk to your wife. Request a neutral zone, a politics-free hour, to discuss your relationship and your family. Tell her how you feel — not your views — and ask how she feels. Together decide whether this is the mountain you want to base the rest of your life on. If your opinions are so totally opposed, this could mean the demise of your marriage. Think about it long and hard.
FEEDBACK Regarding the cast-aside grandparents (April 10; May 23):
Reader – “Rewrite your will, or better yet, transfer things to those who you wish to have them while you’re still alive. I had a similar situation with my only brother who hadn’t been involved with the business in 35 years. He suddenly appeared at our father’s death and demanded half the estate.
“Even though our father had a will and willed money, jewellery and silverware to him, he demanded more. After two years of legal wrangling and lots of coin we settled, however his two boys who were working for me got on the bandwagon. Sadly, they are no longer members of our close circle of friends.”
Email relationship questions to [email protected].
