Last year, when Lauren Haydel began her first sober holiday season, she wondered how difficult it would be to avoid alcohol at family parties and celebrations with friends. She owns a boutique, Fleurty Girl, in New Orleans鈥� French Quarter, a neighborhood synonymous with drinking.
But few people questioned her choice. 鈥淚nstead of them asking me why,鈥� Haydel says, 鈥渢hey ask me, 鈥橭h, do you feel better?'鈥�
Many friends told her they鈥檙e themselves.
Sobriety has been having a moment, says Jessica Jeboult, founder of the website and online community .
鈥淭his is the ultimate time to rediscover or change your relationship with alcohol,鈥� she says. With so many available and growing awareness about the benefits of staying sober, 鈥渢here is maximum support.鈥�
If you are planning to stay sober this holiday season, here are tips from sober coaches, and happily sober people:
Plan drink options in advance of social events
鈥淗aving something in your hand just ups your comfort level, because you feel like you鈥檙e socializing with this thing in your hand, instead of standing there with your hands at your side,鈥� says Abby Ehmann, who owns Hekate Cafe and Elixir Lounge, a sober bar on New York City鈥檚 Lower East Side.
It can help to choose your alcohol-free options in advance. If you prefer something that reminds you of alcohol, sample some of the many non-alcoholic wines and beers on the market (they鈥檙e not all equally tasty) and check which are on the menu at a bar or restaurant you鈥檒l be visiting.
If you鈥檒l be hosting a party or attending one at someone鈥檚 home, you also can recipes in advance.
鈥淭reat these drinks like they鈥檙e really special,鈥� says Vermont-based chef Suzanne Podhaizer, who makes an assortment of mocktails when she entertains.
Don鈥檛 forget the garnish, she says: 鈥淐onsider putting a sugar rim on your glasses or using luster dust on top. The more you make the non-alcoholic drinks feel celebratory, the better people are going to feel.鈥�
Mocktails also make great hostess gifts. Mix up a batch of your favorite recipe, pour it into a large Mason jar and tie it with a ribbon to bring with you.
Make social plans that don鈥檛 focus on drinking
This year, plan to gather somewhere other than a bar. It鈥檚 the perfect season 鈥渢o have some lovely hot chocolates, take them outdoors and go ice skating,鈥� says Kate Baily, a women鈥檚 health coach in the U.K. and host of the podcast .
If you鈥檙e invited to an event that is all about drinking, give yourself permission to skip it, says Adam Cannon, a real estate agent in Pittsburgh who has been sober for 18 years.
In his industry, 鈥渁t this time of year, there鈥檚 a different networking event every night of the week,鈥� Cannon says. He opts not to go if 鈥渙stensibly, it鈥檚 about networking, but it鈥檚 at a bar. People are getting hammered.鈥�
Know your sober social window
Even if it鈥檚 your habit to stay out late, 鈥測ou don鈥檛 have to do what you鈥檝e always done at this particular Christmas party,鈥� Haydel says. Drop in for the first hour, then allow yourself to leave when you wish.
You won鈥檛 miss much. 鈥淭here鈥檚 a witching hour when you鈥檙e out at a bar or drinking with friends,鈥� Jeboult says. 鈥淲hen people get past two drinks, three drinks, the stories are the same.鈥�
If need be, slip out without explanation. Whether you call it a 鈥淔rench exit鈥� or an 鈥淚rish goodbye,鈥� it鈥檚 totally an option.
Take breaks and connect with sober support
If you鈥檙e feeling stressed during a holiday gathering, 鈥渢ake a time out,鈥� Jeboult says. Escape to the bathroom, step outside for a minute or go for a walk.
Snack breaks help, too. Jay Bridwell, a recovery counselor at Red Rock Behavioral Health in Oklahoma City, often uses the acronym HALT with patients in addiction recovery. If you are 鈥淗ungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired,鈥� he says, you may be more likely to reach for alcohol. So build in time for rest and meals.
And have a plan if things get tough. Whether it鈥檚 an Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor, a sober relative or a group text with healthy friends, stay connected with people who will support you, Bridwell says. You can also join an online sober group and follow sobriety-related social media accounts.
Plan your transportation
Map out multiple transportation options, rather than relying on one person for a ride home from a party. You鈥檒l have less stress, and feel less motivated to temper stress with alcohol, if you have the freedom to leave when you wish.
View being sober as a holiday gift to yourself
During her first sober holiday season last year, Haydel reveled in meaningful conversations and the joy of waking up feeling good each morning with clear memories of the night before.
鈥淪obriety is the gift that you keep on giving to your future self over and over and over again,鈥� says Eliott Edge, who manages Hekate, the sober bar.
Focus on enjoying this very real gift, Baily says. Take your time getting dressed, visualizing yourself having a great time, and imagine how you鈥檒l feel as your head hits the pillow when you get home.
As a finishing touch, plan a reward for the next day. Maybe a breakfast date with a friend or a morning walk in the park that will feel especially good because you won鈥檛 be hung over.
鈥淵ou鈥檝e got the best bits of the evening,鈥� Baily says, 鈥渁nd there are no costs.鈥�
Melissa Rayworth, The Associated Press
