The Golden Rule and the second great commandment tell us to love our neighbour as we love ourselves.This wisdom is included in most of the world鈥檚 religions. Confucius called it the Reciprocity Principle and said it was the most important guide in life. Self-love is a necessary and good thing. It gives confidence and strong self-image that are essential for healthy achievement in life鈥檚 challenges. But it has to be balanced by love of others. The balance is often not easily achieved.听
Self-love can become narcissism, the overwhelming fascination with oneself that is named after the Greek mythical figure, Narcissus. He was transfixed by his own image reflected in a pool of water. Narcissism has the undesirable effect of causing lack of empathy for others, taking advantage of others, spurning those one considers less gifted than oneself and, worst of all, failing to recognize or tell the truth whenever it does not enhance one鈥檚 own image. It is not a rare human failing.
Hear what Shakespeare said about himself in Sonnet LXII. 鈥�Sin of self-love possesseth all mine eye,听and all my soul and all my every part.听And for this sin there is no remedy.It is so grounded inward in my heart.鈥澛�Shakespeare goes on to spell out what it is like for him. 鈥�Me thinks no face so gracious is as mine. no shape so true, no truth of such account. and for myself mine own worth to define, and all other in all worths surmount.鈥�
There is a big difference however. Shakespeare goes on in his sonnet to say鈥淏ut when my glass shows me myself indeed鈥� mine own self-love quite contrary I read.Self so self-loving were iniquity.鈥� The difference is recognizing the truth about oneself and others. Shakespeare鈥檚 honesty shows clearly the difference between truly narcissistic self-love and healthier self-love that can include love of neighbour.
聽Shakespeare had extraordinary grounds for recognizing his own excellence. He was arguably the greatest writer in his era or perhaps of all time. But he, like anyone else, was not perfect.听聽His honesty was another measure of his greatness. He was great not least because he was able to see the truth in many different characters in his diverse plays and poems but because he acknowledged the truth about himself.
Truth is perhaps most difficult to sustain when we are in a heated discussion with someone with opposite opinions about the issue under discussion. If, in frustration, they say to you 鈥淚t鈥檚 all about you, isn鈥檛 it?鈥� they might be at least half right. The truth we see is often coloured by self-love and thereby stops being entirely true.
聽Jesus said 鈥楾he truth shall make you free,鈥� and he also said 鈥楤lessed are the meek,鈥� by which we can assume he meant those who are聽聽truthfully modest, not excessively apologetic or excessively defensive. The Second Great Commandment or Reciprocity Principle is not easy to maintain. It requires some of the honesty shown by Shakespeare.
Paul Newman is a retired minister of The United Church of Canada
You can read more articles on our interfaith blog, Spiritually Speaking,
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