I spent the morning doing housework with a zen priest (my husband Doshu) and came away feeling healed.
Now, our teacher Eshu, Osho often talks of zen practitioners who live in a community together being like a bag of rocks shaken up and smoothing off each other鈥檚 rough edges. This is one story of how that feels.
So this morning Doshu wanted to clear out the fridge to organize it and give over some space to our daughter, but it鈥檚 my day off, and I know that his efforts in the kitchen will unsettle the whole house, and I won鈥檛 be able to relax. Day off plans went like this: 1. Do some writing 2. Rest, relax, have several naps. 3. Return to work tomorrow refreshed.
It was really hard to let go of this plan and I was grumpy, but it seemed important to do this re-organizing, so I thought I鈥檇 give it an hour and see. Two hours later our whirlwind of activity had completely cleared and washed the fridge and freezer, tossed or composted the outdated stuff, washed out jars, and re-organized the shelves with space for our daughter. Yay, mission accomplished.
What I didn鈥檛 expect was the simultaneous lesson in zen practice. Being human and also predisposed to depression, all the while we were cleaning, I was sad and grumpy. Doshu, on the other hand, maintained his equilibrium and we both just kept on working. He didn鈥檛 pick up or hold onto any of my pain or my despair (in dark times, I see myself walking into the wilderness and not coming back). He kept being himself and not blaming me. In my mind, I was beating myself up a little, because zen is about changing your state of mind at will.
Personally, as the author of my life, I figure if my story is that I鈥檓 out of sorts, it鈥檚 up to me to notice, acknowledge it, and maybe choose another narrative. This morning the best I could do was see that for reasons of my own I was sad, and heading towards despair. There was no way I was able to change that.
But working next to Doshu, I also felt uplifted by his attitude towards me. We鈥檙e in this together and it鈥檚 hard, but it鈥檚 also zen practice: a crazy, deeply satisfying exploration of what it means to be human and in relationship. I know that while I鈥檓 feeling this despair I鈥檓 just visiting it, not living there.
Doshu gave me the freedom to simply feel and naturally process my despair. He gave me the space to let this natural process complete itself, and he did that by not reacting. He didn鈥檛 get upset, didn鈥檛 poopoo what I was saying or feeling, didn鈥檛 leave, didn鈥檛 sympathize, he simply acknowledged my feelings and let me be, in a companionable way.
In our complicated, scheduled lives, feelings often arise only to be squashed back down, and we are often so busy we don鈥檛 have time to process them. Consequently, they get stuck and hang around as emotional baggage. Perhaps their natural course is to arise, be felt, spur one to appropriate action fitting the circumstances, and then dissipate. But how often does that happen?
Right now, after a morning of feeling pain, sadness, and despair and simply paying attention while doing housework in a loving, accepting environment, it feels done.
That particular set of feelings didn鈥檛 have a chance to become baggage. The rough rock that I am has been polished a little by my zen practice with Doshu. I feel so much lighter.
Soshin McMurchy聽is a junior priest with Zenwest Buddhist Society,聽, and serves as the Buddhist Chaplain with the University of聽Victoria Multifaith Services. She works part-time at the Greater Victoria聽Public Library and lives in Victoria with her partner of 38 years.
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* This article was published in the rpint edition of the Times 91原创 on Saturday Febrary 20 2016
