As that clean slate of a new calendar year approaches I can鈥檛 help but think about how I want to spend the next 12 months. More specifically, I鈥檓 tempted to make resolutions that I hope will somehow bring about a Better Kevin 鈥� one who exercises, eats right, gets up early, meditates, flosses, and does a whole host of other admirable things Good and Successful People do.
Of course, when I do make those resolutions they鈥檙e forgotten by mid-January, as time-worn habits reassert themselves. The reason that happens, I鈥檝e come to realize, is that when I make resolutions I鈥檓 focused more on visible actions rather than an actual reason for doing those things. There鈥檚 no inner awareness or intention underpinning them, so they just don鈥檛 stick.
A few years ago, a friend of mine named Mike Vardy, a productivity consultant, started posting a word or two to Facebook that summed up his intention for the coming year. His reasoning was that establishing an intention provided a solid base for any changes he wanted to make. Inspired by Mike, I began doing that last year. My words then were 鈥渟how up,鈥� because I wanted to be more present in my life in 2018.
This year, I think my word is going to be self-compassion. I tend to be really hard on myself and I鈥檝e become aware of an inner judgmental dialogue I鈥檇 like to curb. I know it sounds like a Facebook motivational clich茅, but I say things to myself I would never say to someone else 鈥� or even allow someone else to say to me.
Not only is that stream of inner negativity not based in reality, it鈥檚 also what, I think, prevents me from doing things that are good for me. It鈥檚 not very motivating to make positive change when all you鈥檙e telling yourself is 鈥淵ou鈥檒l never keep up an exercise schedule,鈥� or 鈥淭here you go making bad food choices again, you鈥檒l never learn.鈥� If I went to a dietician or personal trainer who said things like that, I鈥檇 fire them. So, in 2019 I鈥檓 going to let my inner critic go.
It鈥檚 tough to figure out how to tone down that inner voice, though. Someone else I know, Dr. Alexandra Kovats, a Sister of St. Joseph of Peace, often talks about the fact that we all have an inner community made up of different parts of ourselves. In the middle is what she calls our 鈥淕od Centre,鈥� which is, ideally, the internal space that鈥檚 most helpful to be in most of the time. When another member of the community takes over 鈥� like the Inner Critic 鈥� and we act from that voice, things get unbalanced. So, the invitation is to gently thank that member of the community for their input and then request that they sit down so we can move back into our God Centre.
Those other community members are not bad parts of our personality. They鈥檙e there for a reason 鈥� to keep us safe, let us know when there鈥檚 a problem, etc. But living from their perspective exclusively is not healthy. So, it鈥檚 helpful to get in the habit of recognizing in the moment which member of that inner community is in control and try to shift back to our God Centre.
My intention for 2019, then, is to practice self-compassion and ask my Inner Critic to please not be quite so loud. That shift and acting more from my God Centre may just lead to lasting outer changes in the coming year.
Kevin Aschenbrenner is a Victoria-based writer, poet and communications professional. He holds an M.A. in Culture and Spirituality from the Sophia Center at Holy Names University in Oakland, Calif. He blogs at .
You can read more articles on our interfaisth blog, Spiritually Speaking,
* This article was published in the print edition of the Times 91原创 on Saturday, December 29th 2018
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