Watching my teenage son among his peers reminds me of the personal evolution we each experience.
The changes from preteen to adolescent can occur gradually or suddenly.
I find most dramatic the transformation of boys when encountering one another. They instantly cool off. Their bright-eyed, happy faces morph to conceal excitement and enthusiasm. Their voices deepen.
They move differently. They use their broadening shoulders to speak in shrugs and to lead their movements. Oddly, all this occurs -- during the most self-conscious time of their lives -- without conscious awareness. Point it out and they'll deny it vehemently.
This is the age of mutual embarrassment. Parents are embarrassed by their children's hairstyle and fashion choices. Kids can feel smothered and a little ashamed of their parents' infinite age and nerdiness.
Adolescence has always been a major or minor revolt against parental authority. Ironically, many teens adopt the definition of cool dictated by another authority - corporations seeking their generation's discretionary income. What is hot or cool is decided by the designers and marketing departments of Nike, Apple or Gap. Advertising and the popular media tell them what they need to buy or wear to be seen as cool by others.
Grown-ups are not so different. My peers too easily adopt some authority's ill-fitting values. Adults buy status symbols because of image, lifestyle or fashion. They too are quick to judge others superficially based on class, money or appearance.
This definition of cool takes us away from defining our own unique passions and talents and discovering the original expression of our true selves. In real life, the truly cool are rare.
In fact, we are all nerds and goofs a great deal of the time. No man, not even Pierce Brosnan, moves around like James Bond 24/7. Although we like to see cool role models in the movies, it's hard for us to identify with them.
Hence, the enduring popularity of the anti-cool characters of Goofy, SpongeBob and Mr. Bean. Comically, silly and fallible, they make each of us feel cool in comparison. The reality of life is that we all make mistakes. In fact, the willingness to push our limits and make mistakes is essential to living a fuller life.
The key to both creativity and discovery in life is to take chances and to put your coolness at risk. Accept your essential goofiness. Don't take your image so seriously. Make mistakes and learn from them.
What you ought to take seriously is your true self. No one else can define it for you. It is the sum of your experiences, reflections, passions and talents. No one can express it in quite the same way.
The reward is authenticity - to be a lifelong learner, to grow, to be comfortable in your own skin and within your world, and to find your true self within this world. That is truly cool.
- Dr. Davidicus Wong is a Burnaby family physician. His column runs Thursdays in the Daily News.