Confident, competitive and assertive are words that are commonly cited as positive traits of men, but when used to describe a woman, they aren鈥檛 necessarily considered positive.
The first time I had someone tell me I was very competitive, I was shocked, and I took it as a bit of a flaw. I denied being competitive. I started to ask people close to me if they thought I was, and every person answered with a resounding 鈥測es.鈥�
Taking a step back, I looked at myself and realized I was competitive. I also discovered this helped me achieve goals and, instead of looking at it as a flaw, I realized it was a positive trait.
Often if a woman is confident, competitive and assertive in either sport or career, these traits will transfer to all aspects of their life. Victoria鈥檚 Lacey Mesley is a prime example of this. She is one of the world鈥檚 top powerlifters, and by day she works in mental health and substance use.
When I first saw Mesley training in the gym, I was nervous. She is one tough, fierce woman who hits amazing numbers. She can back-squat 430 lbs., bench press 225 lbs. and deadlift 440 lbs.
鈥淧owerlifting for me, helps me explore my full potential,鈥� said Mesley. 鈥淚 am very competitive; I want to be the best in the world.鈥�
Mesley is ranked fifth in the International Powerlifting League and 21st in the world across all seven federations.
鈥淵ou can be a competitive person, but still be humble,鈥� said Mesley, explaining it鈥檚 the blood, sweat, tears and time that build confidence.
I agree with this. I鈥檝e been called confident in a way that wasn鈥檛 necessarily positive. You aren鈥檛 born confident; you do have to work hard for it, and there are many obstacles to overcome on the way.
鈥淚t鈥檚 scary as hell to squat 450 lbs. I have to explore a different part of my mind to get there,鈥� Mesley said.
The only time I ever trained in a gym with Mesley, I was watching her back-squat about 400 lbs., on her 165-lb. body. In the middle of her set, she yelled loudly and stopped abruptly. I had no idea why she stopped, neither did anyone else.
Then we saw a little puddle on the floor. It was urine.
It鈥檚 common for women to lose control of their bladders when making extremely heavy lifts.
鈥淭here is just so much pressure that something has to give,鈥� Mesley explained.
鈥淭he first time it happened, I was on stage deadlifting 400 lbs. in a baby blue singlet, and the bright lights were on me. I was pulling the bar up and I felt it come,鈥� said Mesley. 鈥淚 was mortified and cried. I was so embarrassed.鈥�
Mesley is at a calibre where all her lifts are amazingly heavy, and she knows even with an incontinence pad, she will most likely leak on the floor. It鈥檚 not just Mesley; other female powerlifters do the same.
鈥淚 had to realize that if I paid attention to the pee, I would get crushed by the weight, so I just had to get over it,鈥� Mesley said.
To me, it鈥檚 a strong, confident woman who can pee her pants on stage while pursuing her dreams and learn to power through.
鈥淏eing confident isn鈥檛 being cocky or egotistical. It鈥檚 about failing over and over and having the will to keep going,鈥� said the 32-year-old.
Mesley鈥檚 strength isn鈥檛 visible just in the gym. She has chosen a career that requires a different kind of strength, confidence and assertiveness.
鈥淚 learn a lot from my clients. They don鈥檛 have an ego, they aren鈥檛 self-centred, they are waking up every morning and they are surviving,鈥� Mesley explained. 鈥淚t鈥檚 a system of oppression that sends people to the bathrooms, alleys or home to use unsafely at home. We could just provide people safe, accessible options.鈥�
Everywhere she goes, Mesley brings a naloxone kit with her, just in case.
鈥淚鈥檝e panicked watching someone鈥檚 breath nearly stop, and I fumbled as I administered naloxone,鈥� said Mesley.
The competitive nature that Mesley radiates doesn鈥檛 come out with her clients, but it鈥檚 out in full force when she is advocating for them.
鈥淵ou need a competitive spirit to be heard. I am ruthless when it comes to that,鈥� Mesley said. 鈥淚n this field, you have to have a spirit that doesn鈥檛 give up.鈥�
Charla Huber works in communications and Indigenous relations for M鈥檃kola Group of Societies.