Dear Lisi: My girlfriend is from Australia, I’m from England, and we met in the States. We’ve been together six months and have travelled all over the country. Our plan is to travel across Canada for the next year while we can still get work visas.
After that, we plan on heading to my home, doing some travel around Europe, and then heading down to her home. I’m obviously good with all of that, but I’m afraid that once we hit Australia, she’s going to want to settle down. I’m not sure I want to spend the rest of my life that far away from the rest of the world, especially from my friends and family.
What should I do?
Travelled Out
Take a step back. Planning your life out is an amazing way to stay on track, however, it doesn’t allow for spontaneity and change. You and your girlfriend have only been together for six months. That’s early to make lifelong decisions, especially when in your 20s.
I would suggest going with the first part of your plan, which is to travel across Canada for a year. After six months, reassess. If all is still good between you, continue on as planned. But SO MUCH can change between now and then that focusing on the What Ifs of two years from now is a waste of energy.
The only caveat being that if the thought of spending the rest of your life with this woman is what’s giving you the shivers, then perhaps you should rethink everything.
Dear Lisi: My sister and I don’t speak. She’s single, never been married, has no kids and is a potter. Her work is fun and kitschy, and I own a ton of it. I used to give it as gifts to everyone, both because I love it and to support my sister.
We now haven’t spoken in over four years. We had an argument; it was intense, and she said a lot of hurtful pointed remarks that I can’t forget. She’s never liked me, which I can take, but she really threw verbal knives at my husband and my children. That’s going too far.
Recently, she created a new collection of artwork that is just beautiful. I’ve seen it online and at our parents’ house. I’m proud of her. She’s still my sister and I love her. She reached out to a friend of mine who owns an artists’ gallery to see if she could get a space in her upcoming exhibition of up-and-coming artists. I knew nothing of this, nor did I have any idea that my friend ghosted her.
She also reached out to another friend of mine who is a painter and shows in a studio that occasionally rents out space for private showings. That friend was willing to help my sister out.
I was oblivious to all of this, until just recently when the second friend was bitching to our other sister how horrible I was to turn my friends against the artist sister. I don’t want to get involved, but I also don’t want to be thought of as vindictive when I’m not.
What do I do?
Sparring Sisters
Tell your third sister the truth, which is that you knew nothing of any of this. When she gets the chance, she can tell the artist sister of your ignorance to all the goings on behind the scenes. If the artist sister kicks up a fuss, which she may, tell her yourself.
But the next step is up to you. If you wish, you could tell your friend that you appreciate her loyalty, but you’d be more than happy for her to help your sister. Or keep your distance. Neither is wrong based on your history.
FEEDBACK Regarding the alcoholic spouse (Aug. 29):
Reader – “Thank you for your recommendation to Al-Anon to your reader. I’m a long-term member and have benefited from their program. It’s good that the media recognizes and mentions us so that others can find help.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the person who can’t sleep (Aug. 30):
Reader – “Before you go to your doctor, try going for a long walk outside, every day. Start with whatever time will allow, even if it’s only around the block. Then increase the distance and vary the route. Getting out in the fresh air gives you a mental boost, too.
“Works for me!”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
