Dear Lisi: I’m on a neighbourhood website where people sell items they no longer want or use, give recommendations for services, complain about poor service, ask about neighbourhood activity, etc. One woman is constantly posting about lost or found cats. Another woman posts the same about dogs.
There’s a man who reads every post (well, at least every post I’ve read) and responds negatively, rudely and aggressively each and every time. If there’s a lost animal, he challenges the owners’ abilities to care for a pet. If there’s a found animal, he challenges the finder’s methods of searching for the owners.
I have tried everything to place controls over what I can see, edit and narrow down the information coming in on this site, but how do I block this person?
Nasty neighbour
I think I may be on the same site! Fortunately, there are several of those sites, which can be helpful when used positively and properly. Unfortunately, there are lots of people on the internet who have nothing better to do than lash out aggressively and angrily just for the sake of it.
Yes, these people may need mental health help, but the rest of us will never know, nor can we help everyone we come across.
I suggest finding another neighbourhood site that focuses on the information you’d like to be a part of.
Dear Lisi: My 20th high school reunion is happening this spring. I can’t believe it’s been that long since I was in high school! However, if I look at what I’ve accomplished in the past 20 years, I’m impressed with myself and proud. I’ve gone to university, finished a master’s degree, found a career I love, got married and have two sweet little kids whom I adore.
I’m also looking forward to seeing some of my friends who I haven’t seen since I moved away from our hometown. But to be honest, I’m very nervous to see three women in particular who were the biggest Mean Girls back in the day. I honestly have PTSD from their antics and am nervous they’ll have something tricky planned.
How do I get over this anxious feeling?
Still Mean Girls
You rise up! Get in touch with your closest friends from those days. Plan to have dinner the night before and catch up. Then meet at one person’s house for a cocktail before the party, and go as a group. There is safety and security in numbers.
Then walk into that party and hold your head high. You know who you are, all that you have accomplished, and you have NOTHING to be afraid of. Don’t let those women get under your skin.
Dear Lisi: I want to detach from social media, but I don’t know how. I already read a lot, watch TV and movies, and go out with friends and family. But I live alone and after I’ve exhausted all possible activities, I resort to scrolling.
How can I break this habit when I have nothing to replace it with?
Hateful Habit
You’re ahead of the game by recognizing that scrolling can be a time suck. Try setting a timer. Say, for example, you’ve come home from work/school, had your dinner, done whatever you need to prepare for tomorrow. You’ve watched TV, read several chapters in your book, taken a bath/shower and it’s still only 9 p.m.
You could go for a walk, which will help clear your head and set you up for a good night’s sleep; do yoga or meditation.
Now, with nothing left to do but doom scroll, set your timer for 20-40 minutes tops, and give yourself a reward at the end (I’m thinking ice cream or hot chocolate).
FEEDBACK Regarding the confusing conversation (Sept. 26):
Reader – “At first, I assumed it was a woman who wrote to you. If so, the woman beside her was bisexual and maybe her husband allowed her to indulge her lesbian side. Or perhaps the writer was a man, so she was looking for a heterosexual hookup. Maybe her husband was OK with that too. Either of these two scenarios would make her husband ‘the nicest, kindest man in the world.’
“Or, maybe she was just looking to cheat. Some people can be in love with their spouse, think they’re wonderful, but need more sex than the spouse provides. A fourth possibility is that she is a touchy/feely or flirty person and has no intention of doing anything serious. We don’t know enough to know the story here.”
Lisi – Agreed. I assumed the writer was male from the description of thigh touching. But I could be mistaken.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions to [email protected].
